Smartypants:

Last night, my husband and I celebrated his birthday.  I made reservations to a restaurant he really wanted to go to. I worked all day, took care of the kids and was exhausted by the time he came home. He attempted to put the moves on me prior to dinner, however, I hadn’t showered yet, so I turned him down. I showered, got ready, and off we went to eat.

Apparently, I hurt his feelings, however, he never mentioned any of this. We had a nice dinner, took a walk outside, and then went back home. I ended up passing out snuggled with him on the couch. Then, we go to bed. We normally cuddle, however, he completely ignored me. So, I ended up passing out again because I was still exhausted from lack of sleep.

Anyway, morning comes and he’s pouting. He was upset because I denied him sex.  It turned into a big argument.

Is it my responsibility to meet his sexual needs, even if I don’t want to? I’m not as interested in sex as I used to be and I feel like it’s unfair of him to pressure me and pout if I don’t want to have sex. 

Ams:

First off, your situation is super-common. Many women have active sex lives in their twenties and then things change: family commitments, work commitments, hormonal changes can all contribute. And, whatever your libido is can be totally normal…but maybe ask yourself, “Am I really no longer interested in having sex, or is the sex that I’m having boring and unsatisfying?”

I DON’T WANT YOU TO HAVE MEDIOCRE SEX!!!

So, maybe part of tackling this problem is exploring what satisfying sex looks like for you.

Ask yourself, “What you need to have a really satisfying sexual experience?” and then tell your husband so that he can help you make that come true. Do need an hour in the bath with a book of erotica? A sensual massage from your husband? Do you want candlelight and sexy music playing? Do you want him to tie you up and spank you? Or maybe he needs to just do the fucking dishes before coming to bed so that isn’t on your mind?

As we say on the 2HotWives Podcast, Use your Words! Figure out what you want, ask for what you want, and you get what you want! But figuring out what you want can be hard. Women are more complicated creatures than most men, and their sexual interests reflect that. You might need more time to switch gears, more mental stimulation, less distractions, etc. to be able to get into a sexy mindset. Give yourself permission and patience to explore your sexual needs.

You deserve to have satisfying sex,. And I’d bet you dollars to donuts that if you put in the time to explore your sexual desires and share them with your partner, he will be THRILLED to make that happen for you.

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