Long before we ever started our lifestyle journey, I had very distinct impressions of what kink was and it wasn’t very positive, or accurate. I thought kink was strictly related to BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) and I thought it always involved humiliation and degradation. I actually thought kink had to do with being mean to your partner, but not in a fun, teasing way; rather in a serious, “I’m angry” kind of way. I’m not a mean person, even in a teasing way, so kink as I understood it, held no appeal for me.

What makes your toes curl? What causes that sigh that releases every muscle in your body?  What do you long for more of in those hot, steamy moments? What does it take for your eyes to roll back and all you can think is “YES”? That’s your kink!!

With time (and conversation and porn and experimenting and reading) I started to piece together what kink really is and wow, was I off base! Sure, kink can include humiliation and degradation, for those who are interested, but what I failed to see is that kink is also about fetish and turn-ons. AUrban Dictionary will tell you: it will make you very horny and very happy if used right”. With this knowledge, being able to reframe the entire idea of “kink” as a turn-on, as something that will make me “very happy if used right”, is important, because when we think about it in terms of our own pleasure, kink becomes a less daunting, more accessible, and a lot more fun! Kink is about what turns you on, no matter how tame or wild, gentle or rough, “conventional” or “unconventional” it might be. What makes your toes curl? What causes that sigh that releases every muscle in your body?  What do you long for more of in those hot, steamy moments? What does it take for your eyes to roll back and all you can think is “YES”? That’s your kink!!

I wish I had come to this understanding earlier in the exploration of my sexuality. You see, it turns out I’m a kinky girl and it took way too long for me to embrace it. I love it when someone gently, almost absent mindedly, strokes my neck. It makes me melt. That’s a kink. I have a particular sweet spot for a really well built human – sculpted shoulders and back, toned arms … wooo! Just writing about it gives me goosebumps. That’s a kink. I like a firm grip when things get really steamy and intense. That’s a kink. And, yes, I like a couple really good cracks on my ass when the timing is just right. The sound and sensation send me over the edge. Every. Damn. Time. And guess what, yep, that’s a kink. Recognizing that I enjoy these things (and so much more!) has helped me take more control of my sexual development and enjoyment. Knowing what I like and expressing it to my partner has made all of my sexual experiences, both with Mr. and in the lifestyle, hotter and more satisfying. Embracing my kinks has made everything more fun!

The next time you find yourself thinking “it really turns me on when … ” lean into it! That’s your kink calling and “it will make you very horny and very happy if used right”. Trust me, you want to take that call!

Want to learn more? 

Check out the 2HotWives episodes exploring kink, including Impact Play and Dungeons (Parts 1 and 2). 

Our favorite kinky products

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