When I first started listening to the 2Hotwives podcast, I loved the emphasis on using your words (or as Ams and Kat would say, “Use your mother-fucking words!”). This is such an important message for us as women, who despite all our strides in equity and empowerment still may feel like we have to push back against societal and cultural stereotypes or expectations that we will go along with the wants of others rather than clearly voicing our own. This message of “using your words” has resonated with a lot of women and is something I continually come back to as I progress along my journey of sexual discovery.

I’m going to share my body, I need to be able to express what I like and want.

I want to use my words in the bedroom. Certainly with my life partner, but also with new partners I might not know as well or be as comfortable with. If I’m going to share my body, I need to be able to express what I like and want.

As my partner and I stepped into the world of non-monogamy, I strengthened my communications skills as we engaged in many conversations about how the new “lifestyle” world might work for us. If you’ve listened to the 2Hotwives or other podcasts that discuss open marriages, consensual non-monogamy, or swinging, you have heard it said that engaging in non-monogamy with your partner requires a whole new level of communication. Many say that one of the best benefits of exploring this world with your partner(s) is the inherent improved communication that must occur for that exploration to continue. I agree with those statements and have found the strengthened communication between me and my husband to be one of the best parts of this journey.

I keep landing back in a space where I am trying to figure out what I want. Why does it keep changing? Is that normal? But lately, I can usually accept that my feelings of confusion are okay. I don’t have to have it all figured out. My wants and desires can change.

So, where am I on my sexual journey today? Several years into exploring non-monogamy and I keep landing back in a space where I am trying to figure out what I want. Why does it keep changing? Is that normal? But lately, I can usually accept that my feelings of confusion are okay. I don’t have to have it all figured out. My wants and desires can change. They can be different in different situations and with different people. Certain areas of them may ebb and flow as life just happens. I can accept that. Embrace it even and enjoy the ongoing journey and discovery. Share it with my partner and know that he “gets” me, or at least gets that what I feel and say today may change tomorrow. But I really mean it when I say it now. And that I’m always trying to understand it and learn from it.

I know that I am not the only woman who finds it difficult to identify and express her desires. In fact, I am sure many men have similar feelings and experiences too. But this is a forum mainly for womena safe space to share, discuss, build a community, and support each other on our own paths. And hearing about others’ experiences, struggles, and realizations can spark learning about ourselves and discussions with our partner(s) that lead to growth.

That is why I am writing this. To share some of my journey and discoveries with other women. Not because I have it all figured out. But because I understand the power of normalization. Of knowing I not the only one who feels that way. I have experienced how hearing others’ stories can prompt us to think and act more intentionally about our own lives. And maybe help us get one step closer to identifying what we want. At least for now 😊.

I will more fully explore how wants can change in an upcoming post, “Why Would I Want to Swing?”

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