Fifty and Fit:
“My husband and I are still at the stage of talking about what turns us on, and what doesn’t.
We are interested in Swinging/Lifestyle, but never had any dates as it seems very daunting and a lot of work! He is 55 and I’m 50. The issue he’s having and to be super honest, me too, is that I look a lot younger and am fairly fit, he looks his age and although is super nice and amazing to talk to, a beast in bed, he’s not one of those that at first glance people might pay attention to. We’ve been told that it may be then that we’re the type that people need to get to know and then some chemistry happens but I’m a bit concerned about this. Because at the same time, my husband says he’s been out of the flirt game for so long and was never really good at it. I’m outgoing and can talk to anyone but I’m concerned about the balance of this. I did like your idea that maybe Meet and Greets might be a better option to avoid that awkwardness he might feel along with pressure to talk to one couple or vice versa.
We may be looking at being more situational lifestyle people- vacations, if the circumstances arrive etc. but any feedback or experience you’ve had where you didn’t find someone attractive at first and then changed your mind after talking with them? Or your friends?”
Ams:
1. There are all ages, body types and personalities in the swinging lifestyle – 50/55 is not particularly old to get started in LS activities. We’ve met couples who are well into their seventies who have plenty of game, so don’t get too caught up in age.
2. Polish the penny – When both of us got started in LS, it became a great motivator to take a better care of ourselves. We paid more attention to our appearance, lost a little weight, hit the gym more often, upgraded our wardrobe, etc. There are many things that your hubby can do to improve his appearance immediately or pretty darn quickly and he should do those things. Women notice and are flattered by men who put in the effort to dress nicely and behave like gentlemen at those first meetups.
3. Check out LS resorts or cruises – If you think couples will need a little time to get to know the two of you, try an LS vacation where you can spend multiple days getting to know each other. A meet and greet is probably not a great option, because it’s superficial mingling in a large group setting. I’ve always preferred couples dates as a way to get to know people better, but, to be honest, that four-way connection is difficult to find, no matter how you meet, so you have to be prepared for a certain amount of rejection.
4. Prepare questions to ask – if your hubby has a tough time opening up in social situations, have him think about 5-10 questions to ask the other couple, especially the other woman. People LOVE to talk about themselves and generally will leave a conversation where they did most of the talking, thinking that the other person was an amazing conversationalist when all that they did was ask questions. BUT, be careful about questions that are too personal for initial lifestyle meetings, like jobs, kids, even what part of town people live in can feel too personal for an initial lifestyle meet. Or, just start the conversation with, “If I ask you anything too personal, please let me know. I know that discretion is really important.”
Best of Luck
First, I would start by complementing you both on your excellent podcast. It’s a great source of information and it’s extremely entertaining. Listening to the both of you interact with each other and describe your personal experiences in the LS, just highlights how wonderful and friendly LS people truly are.
This leads me to the reason I’m writing to you. I’m a recently divorced, 60 year old male, that’s just came out of a long-term marriage. Early on in our marriage we participated in the LS and both has a great time and met some amazing people. It wasn’t too many years later that we decided to stop our LS activities due to children and our careers. We both worked in very conservative professions and were concerned our sexual activities would be discovered. Fast forward 20 years, and after listening to your podcast, I have a renewed desire to get back into the LS. I’m interested in your thoughts about someone in my situation getting back into the LS. Also, any suggestions/thoughts about how to get back involved without appearing as the proverbial “Dirty Old Man”? I would love find a committed partner to share this wonderful experience with, but it been a long time since I’ve been involved in the dating scene, let alone finding someone who is LS friendly. There must be LS friendly women out there in the similar situation. The challenge is where and how do I find them.
Thanks for taking the time to entertain my question(s). Keep up the good work, and keep the cocktail suggestions coming!
Thanks so much for reaching out! We are actually working on bonus content right now that addresses the issues of getting into the lifestyle as a single. It is a challenging, but finding a primary play partner is a great place to start. Keep your ears open for a new episode on this topic!