MindBodySoul:
“I came across this statement the other day:
‘Men need to get better at reading signals, women need to get better at verbalizing their limits, and both genders need to stop taking rejection so personally.‘
Can people tell me what you think of this? To me consent is straight forward. But what if signals are confused? Miscommunication happens. How do we prevent it? “
Ams:
As the mother of both a son and a daughter, I think we need to get much better about teaching both genders how to ask for and give consent. IMO, sex with a new partner always needs to start with a conversation and setting fixed boundaries for the experience (e.g. – I’m ok with oral and digital sex tonight but not penetrative sex) and then those boundaries don’t get crossed unless there is a total stop of all play and a new discussion.
BTW, the kink community has fantastic guidelines around consent and that’s where I go for inspiration when I discuss it with my kids (they are still a little young for the full conversation).
One acronym that I learned from kink is EPIC consent.
E – Enthusiastic: an unenthusiastic yes should be treated as a no.
P – Personal: any consent is limited to the person it was given to. While that’s super-relevant in a group sex setting, it’s just as relevant for a Frat Party.
I – (not) Intoxicated: if a person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol that cannot give consent.
C – Continuous: consent can be withdrawn at any time and for any reason. No is a complete sentence.
Ams Elle
Ams, co-host of the 2HotWives podcast, grew up in a household obsessed with sex! As the daughter of an Ob/Gyn and one of four sisters, dinner topic conversations were filled with The Miracle of Birth, STI prevention, Take Back the Night rallies, and condom distribution. So, of course, Ams grew up thinking sex would either kill you or ruin your life.
Luckily, Ams never lost her curiosity about sex. Even during the dark days of mothering little children and starting a career as an attorney, Ams kept up her interest in sex by secretly watching high-budget 90s porn and reading dog-eared copies of erotica in the bathtub.
In her mid-thirties, Ams embraced SEX as part of her identity, and, like the overachieving know-it-all that she is, decided that she needed to become an expert in all things sexual. And the best way to become an expert? Learn it, live it, fuck it (or not), and then tell everyone how it goes…