Ask Ams: Is it normal for a person to get emotionally attached to a side partner?

TwoToneJones:

“We recently adopted an open marriage policy. We set rules, and it’s definitely looking like it is something we are ready and willing to explore.
I found someone on tinder, we’ve clicked. I think that I might really like him. Aside from just sex. Even though I’m madly in love with my husband. Is this normal for a person to get more emotionally attached to a side partner, or should I pull in the reigns and find someone to just bang and bolt? Looking for advice.”

Ams:

It is totally normal (especially for women) to feel some level of attachment for their sex partners.

If the attachment feels “threatening” to your marriage, then there are a lot of ways to limit attachment (Check out the Slut Protocols or the Casual Sex Protocols for advice in that area).

Or, you and your husband can decide that these feelings are NOT a threat to your marriage. I personally find that sex is so much better if I feel a level of trust and attachment to the partner that I am with. I can relax, enjoy myself and have mind-blowing orgasms that are not possible for me with a totally casual partner. This made my (amazing and loving) husband feel really uncomfortable at first and we had to treat very lightly, and together, into this territory. But, once he decided that this is not a threat to US, it opened up an entirely new way for me to explore my sexuality.

Ams Elle

Ams, co-host of the 2HotWives podcast, grew up in a household obsessed with sex! As the daughter of an Ob/Gyn and one of four sisters, dinner topic conversations were filled with The Miracle of Birth, STI prevention, Take Back the Night rallies, and condom distribution. So, of course, Ams grew up thinking sex would either kill you or ruin your life.

Luckily, Ams never lost her curiosity about sex. Even during the dark days of mothering little children and starting a career as an attorney, Ams kept up her interest in sex by secretly watching high-budget 90s porn and reading dog-eared copies of erotica in the bathtub.

In her mid-thirties, Ams embraced SEX as part of her identity, and, like the overachieving know-it-all that she is, decided that she needed to become an expert in all things sexual. And the best way to become an expert? Learn it, live it, fuck it (or not), and then tell everyone how it goes…

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